


Left The Empire Of Dirt

by HalfASlug



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 09:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalfASlug/pseuds/HalfASlug
Summary: Every day is someone’s last. For everyone else, life carries on.Set after S3E6.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written and is set directly after S3E6 so huge spoilers for that episode. As you would expect, the subject of suicide features prominently. There are hints of Hardy/Miller but it isn't really the main focus and could be read as just friendship.

With Tom sulking in his room over his phone, and her dad and Fred already in bed, Ellie was taking advantage of the rare opportunity to have the TV to herself. She was far too busy these days to follow new shows but repeats of old sitcoms were omnipresent and it was just a case of finding one near the start of an episode.

Her channel flicking found the theme song of _Vicar of Dibley_ and she sat back with her cup of tea - just in time for the doorbell to ring.

With a growl of irritation, she decided to ignore it. Even though it was late, that didn’t rule out it being a bunch of kids pissing around. It was going to take more than that for her to give up the first moment of peace she had had in weeks.

The bell rang again. Twice.

“Sodding kids.”

She peered through the curtains but saw no signs of anyone running away or hiding. As she opened the porch door she saw that she had been right. It was a kid, but they weren’t playing games.

Chloe Latimer was on her doorstep, clutching her phone and shaking.

Ellie’s first fear was the same one that haunted her daily; that they hadn’t caught Trish’s attacker in time to stop him hurting someone else. The detective part of her brain was already cataloguing the state of her clothing and checking for injuries as she opened the door.

“Chloe? What’s wrong?”

She didn’t speak straight away, as though she hadn’t realised she had to explain anything. “He isn’t picking up.”

“Who?”

“My dad.”

Ellie opened the door further and stood back to let Chloe in, but she didn’t move.

“Chlo?”

“Right.”

She hurried into the living room and started pacing around the small space.

“What’s happened? Do you want a drink?”

Chloe shook her head and hugged herself. “I think my dad’s in trouble.”

“With the police?” Ellie asked, trying to understand why she had come to her house.

“No, he - he rang me and - and it sounded like...” She broke off and swallowed. “I think he’s gonna kill himself.”

“You can’t know-”

“No! He was upset and I don't know where he is and he told me he had done his best and that - and that he loved me and-”

“Okay, okay.” Ellie hugged her and only then realised how much she was trembling. “Does your mum know?”

She felt Chloe shake her head. “Didn’t want to worry her in case it was nothing. Told her I was going to Daisy’s.”

Mark’s mental state had been a worry for them all for months now. From the bits she had heard from Beth, she knew he wasn’t doing well but Ellie had no idea it had reached this stage. Then again, thinking about it now, she couldn’t remember the last time she had spoken to him.

“We’ll find him, Chlo,” she reassured her as she pulled back from the hug. “Do you have any idea where he is?”

“He didn’t say,” she replied, then frowned. “No, he said he was walking and I could hear wind.”

“That’s brilliant. Anything else you can remember, write it down in your phone, okay? Anything at all.” Ellie picked her car keys up from the mantle and pressed the button. “If you get in my car, I’ll be out in a minute. I’ve just got to make a call.”

Chloe nodded and rushed out. Ellie scribbled a note on the back of a receipt to explain her absence as she clicked the familiar route through her phone contacts.

“What?”

“Chloe Latimer thinks her dad’s about to kill himself.”

“ _What?_ ”

“She’s just shown up at my door. He rang her to tell he loved her or something and now he’s not answering.”

“Shit.” Through the phone she heard the scrape of a chair and Daisy Hardy’s voice from a distance. “Where is Chloe now?”

“My car. I’m going to take her to the station. Can you get the search party out? I don’t want her hearing-”

“I know,” Hardy interrupted. They both knew hearing the cold and direct way a police operation was organised wouldn’t help her. “What do we know so far?”

“He’s outside. Said he was going for a walk. I’ll text you his address anyway.”

“Where’s Beth?”

“She hasn’t told her.”

There was a pause, as though both of them were agreeing it would be better to keep her in the dark until they knew for certain what they were dealing with.

“I’ll pick you up on my way.”

“See you in a minute.”

Ellie hung up and rushed to her car, texting Mark’s address as she did.

Once in the car, she kept Chloe talking, subtly trying to find more information about the phone call and what Mark had been like recently. According to Chloe, he hadn’t contacted her for a couple of days and she didn’t think her mum had seen him either.

All the while Chloe was talking, all Ellie could think about was how the poor girl must be feeling. She couldn’t tell if she was holding it together because she was strong or if she was simply in shock, but either way it was impressive. There was no way she could know what was going on in her head, however.

When Chloe checked her phone for the third time in a minute, just on the off chance she had missed a message from her dad, Ellie’s hands tightened on the steering wheel.

Until they found Mark, Chloe was going to be the last person who spoke to him, the last person who could have stopped him doing something irreversible and stupid.

Grief, fear and desperation, Ellie knew full well would run their cycles and with difficulty would become manageable. Irrational guilt over things you could never change on the other hand…

She felt a stab of anger at Mark for putting his daughter, who was still a child for all of her maturity, through this.

They arrived at the Hardys’ in less than ten minutes thanks to the empty roads and Ellie ignoring the speed limit. Both of them were waiting on the decking for them. Ellie rolled down the window as Hardy approached the car.

“Chloe can stay here with Daiz,” he said without preamble. “There’s a uniform officer on his way to stay with them.”

Ellie nodded. Somewhere familiar and away from the hustle of the search would be better for her.

Chloe unbuckled her seatbelt and looked over at Ellie. “Thanks for-”

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart.”

She left the car with a broken smile that Ellie knew she would never forget.

“Are you sure about this, darling?” Hardy asked his daughter as her friend joined them.

“Yeah, I think she could use a friend,” Daisy replied, though she was making eye contact with Chloe at the time.

Hardy hugged Daisy and kissed the top of her head. “Officers will be here soon. Keep ringing him, Chloe. If you get him on the phone, keep him talking and Daiz will phone me. Okay?”

Chloe nodded with a look of determination and Ellie wondered how the hell she was holding it together so well.

With one last check that his daughter was okay, Hardy got in the car and Ellie pulled away. She realised with a bizarre note of amusement that they were both wearing their casual clothes. It was weird to see Hardy making calls to the station in his jumper and glasses.

“Phone the coast guard,” she said when he hung up on what sounded like the officers heading to Mark’s flat.

Hardy hesitated before answering. “That was one of my first calls.”

Ellie nodded and swallowed the lump that formed in her throat.

“Are you-”

“Fine.”

They drove for a few minutes before either spoke again.

“You’re not going to the station,” Hardy pointed out. They pulled into a car park they both recognised instantly.

“No.”

Ellie got out of the car and looked up at the hut on the hill that had haunted her nightmares for three years.

“Here?”

“Beth told he’s been obsessed with Danny lately. He sounded like he was outside. Thought it might be worth a look.”

They headed up the hill, Hardy’s longer legs giving him an advantage. With every step, Ellie’s mouth grew drier. She hadn’t stepped foot anywhere near here since she had last seen Joe. Though there was almost no chance of him being there, she still thought she would open the door and see him sat there, waiting for her.

Hardy went in and tried the lights but nothing happened. Ellie used the torch on her phone to look around. There was a thick layer of dust on everything, but other than that it looked the same as the last day of the trial.

“No one’s been here in months,” Hardy said quietly.

“Years,” Ellie corrected, staring at the spot she knew Danny had lost his life.

Hardy waited until she looked away and left before following her. From the front of the hut, they could see the huge Jurassic cliffs looming over the beach. There were a few headlights from cars at the bottom, as well as the flash of torchlights over the beach and on the clifftop. The search had begun.

A beep broke the silence and Hardy checked his phone.

“He’s not at his flat. Doesn’t look like he’s been there for a few days. There’s signs that he’s packed recently.”

Ellie stared out across the sea, a cold spreading through her veins. She couldn’t explain it, but in that moment she knew how the night was going to end.

Hardy groaned in frustration. “He might not even be in Broadchurch.”

“He is,” Ellie replied through numb lips.

It was something she hadn’t even discussed with her therapist, but there had been times when Ellie had fantasised about ending her life. Never seriously - her boys needed her too much and driving need to not let Joe win kept the idea locked deep in her imagination - but it had crossed her mind.

Even from a bedsit in Devon, there was only ever one place she had pictured.

Her mother’s words from hospital bed a few months ago came back to her.

_“Let me go home. If I’m going to die, El, then let me go in my home.”_

“Let’s head over to the cliffs.”

Hours past. Regular phone calls to Hardy let them know the girls were still awake and staying positive as best they could. Police were stretched across the length of the beach, checking car parks and docks for any sign of Mark Latimer. Many had left their beds, waking to calls from their colleagues and wishing to help the man so many of them knew. His van was found just before three, parked in a random street in the town. It looked like he had been sleeping in the back, confirming their theory that he had been out of town for a while. Other than that, there were no signs of his whereabouts.

Ellie walked the clifftops, knowing them better than most, with a sense of the inevitable gnawing at her gut. She barely spoke to Hardy who didn’t leave her side the entire night.

Every time one of their phones rang, she expected it to be confirmation of what she was sure she already knew. When it wasn’t, she carried on walking without response. When the coast guard found an abandoned boat, she knew it was only a matter of time.

The call came at half five.

“They want us down at the beach.” Hardy pocketed his phone. “There’s no point in telling you to go home, is there?”

She turned away and headed back to the car.

The walk back felt longer than it should have done. Behind her, she could hear Hardy on the phone to Daisy. He wasn’t talking about the search, just asking if she and Chloe were okay. She nearly laughed. Rather than reassure her, his behaviour would flag as weird with Daisy. She was a smart girl. She would work out what it meant.

Years later, Ellie couldn’t remember a second of the drive down to the beach.

Once there, Hardy rushed ahead, leaving instructions for her to phone various people at the station in his wake. She didn’t, knowing there was no need, that he was just making sure she wasn’t first on the scene. For once, she let him and dawdled behind.

A group of emergency service personnel. The rush of the sea. A white sheet over a motionless body.

It was so achingly similar to another day, but the Ellie Miller on the beach this time was unrecognisable.

Gone was her naivete and shock. In their place was a chilled acceptance and a grief that didn’t strike her, but swelled from her chest and out through her limbs. This time, she approached the Latimer on the beach with no questions, already knowing that this was Joe Miller’s latest victim.

She paused where she knew someone would eventually put up police tape and waited.

Rather than a stranger, the man who knew her better than most approached her slowly. There were no words, only a short nod of his head.

_“Alec Hardy.”_

_“I know. You got my job.”_

It all seemed like a lifetime ago now. Childish. Inconsequential.

It was only then that Ellie realised she hadn’t taken a breath in a while and gasped air into her lungs. She expelled it shakily.

There were tears, too. She could feel them, warm on her cheeks. It didn’t seem important to wipe them away.

“Does - Has - Beth.”

Her words sounded as though someone else spoke them, yet Hardy’s reply could have been whispered into her ear.

“No.”

She was still staring at the white sheet that was occasionally obscured by her colleagues waiting for the coroner. Hardy was on the periphery of her vision, waiting as patiently as ever.  

“I’ll do it.”

“I can-”

“ _I_ will do it.”

He turned away briefly but soon faced her again, hands on hips. It was almost as if he was trying to make himself appear bigger. “DS Miller, as your superior off-”

“Hardy, she’s my friend. I’ll tell her.”

She met his eye, then, noting how exhausted he looked.  

He cleared his throat. “I’ll be with you.”

“I know.”

A look of understanding passed between them. There was no coherency to it. It was more of a connection made of emotions; a shared pain and suffering that had matted together over the years, creating a singular unit. A coping mechanism fused with an escape. A emphatic friend and psychiatrist’s dream in the scruffy package of her boss.

They were beyond words, after all, she and him.  

Stood on the edge of the world, staring into the darkest reaches of humanity, together. Always together.

With nothing for them left to do on the beach, they walked back to her car in silence. There was no need to prolong the moment. For every second Beth remained in blissful ignorance, Chloe hung in torturous limbo and it would have been cruel for them to linger.

Ellie heard Hardy phoning Daisy again. She nearly smiled at how obvious he was.

The desire vanished when she remembered she would need to tell Tom. First she had taken his best friend, then his father. How many more people would he lose through her?

Beth rushed back to the forefront of her mind in flash of selfishness. No doubt she would want to break the news to Chloe herself. Just the idea of her telling her daughters made Ellie sick. She tried to put herself in the same situation, but struggled. After all, most days she hoped the father of her children was dead. It would almost be a relief to have the confirmation.

Something brushed against her shoulder. She jumped and saw it was Hardy’s hand.

They were at the car but she couldn’t remember getting there.

“Do you want me to drive?” Hardy offered.

“How did you do this?”

Her non-sequitur wasn’t met with confusion but sympathy. The acute sadness that hid just behind his eyes at all times was in full view when she turned to him.  

Ellie wished it hadn’t been. They were fully trained detectives. She had given terrible news to relatives many times before and Hardy knew that. The usual push and pull of their relationship was comforting, while the gentle companionship was dangerous somehow. Fragile. Combustible.

Hardy exhaled and glanced around the otherwise empty car park. “With Danny, I-”

“No. Me. When you told me about Joe.”

He had been a pillar of strength the entire night. Whether it was tiredness or despair, Ellie didn’t know, but something about her words dented his armour. It took him a moment to gather himself before he could reply.

“Say the words. Hope they don’t hate you for it.”

“Right.” She opened the car door. “I don’t. Hate you.”

He gave her something close to a smile. “Good to know. Sure you’re okay to drive?”

“Yep,” she insisted stubbornly even as her voice broke. She had to drive, had to do something, had to keep moving forward.

She had to make another journey to the Latimer house and break their hearts all over again. Delivery another blow to the family that hadn’t deserved anything they had been put through. Look her friend in the eye again, giving another apology for the monster she had invited into her life.

It kept piling up and Ellie wondered if she would ever escape the crushing guilt.

She willed herself to be able to get in the car, to get away from the onslaught of her thoughts, but her limbs refused to cooperate.

“Ellie-”

“I can do it. I can. I just- can I-”

With an uncertainty that belayed the absolute trust in his eyes, Hardy opened up his arms to her and Ellie didn’t hesitate in wrapping hers around his skinny frame. He closed the circle and held her close.

She wasn’t crying anymore. It was as though she had finally ran out of tears. Time had finally hardened her into something she didn’t recognise. Survival had come at a price and, right now, she was too tired to keep paying it.

More tragedy in her tiny community. More children without a father. More misery Joe had caused but would never have to confront.

“It’s not fair,” she whispered, hoping the universe didn’t hear her complain, knowing it would find a way to punish her momentary weakness.

Hardy rested his head on hers with a heavy sigh. Against all the odds, she felt shielded. It wasn’t weakness, just honesty, mirrored back at her from the tarnished but still standing man currently making her feel more human by the second.

“No,” he said and she was surprised to hear his voice sounded thick with tears. “It’s not.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
